NEW DELHI: The Racecourse Road press corps were treated to an unusual surprise yesterday when Prime Minister Manmohan Singh (henceforth Gandhi) appeared in the lawns for an emergency morning briefing, with an aged Gujarati woman who he introduced simply as Sudha. As the reporters wondered who the woman was and why the briefing was called, the prime minister attempted a lumbering maneuver, involving what seems to have been a romantic kiss with the unsuspecting octogenarian.

What the prime ministers apparent endeavor was a Christian-style "you-may-kiss-the-bride" smooch with the lady, but her utter shock at the act initiated vertebral calamity for the new couple, as the two ended up on the floor with multiple fractures and soiled pyjamas. As Manmohan leaned towards her with a gaping mouth, the near-sighted and rather prudish Sudha suddenly coiled back, causing excessive stress on the prime minister's withered right arm which he had tried to pass around her waist. This, added to the unusual ensuing curvature to his cadaverous back as he struggled to hold her up , created two resonating cracks followed by a thudding fall onto the concrete adjoining the prime ministerial lawn.

This was followed by total chaos, marked by the shrill cries, and a bizarre eruption of emotion in which the old lady yanked off the prime ministerial turban in what was probably not a moment of tenderness. The PM's secretary, Nair, explained to the press that the lady was in fact Sudhaben Gandhi of Rajkot, who the prime minister had met during a recent Congress fundraiser, and instantly fallen in love with. The two had decided to marry after the prime minister's wife, Sukhbir Kaur, graciously accepted the divorce petition based on reasons of incorrigible incompatibility, following 57 years of married life. Dr. Manmohan is currently in the Lohia hospital, recovering from multiple fractures of the pelvis, forearm, and lower mandible. Mrs. Gandhi meanwhile has resumed radiation treatment.

Although the prime minister himself claims it was true love upon first meeting, most found this version of events hard to swallow, especially following Singh's decision to add "Gandhi" to his surname. "Basically, we all know this is because the name Manmohan Singh had no future in India politics," said Raj Thackeray another politician known to have changed his name from Rajulkar Ghimire. "It is already widely known that having a 'Gandhi' surname is the only safe way for political, though not necessarily physical, endurance in the Congress party." Curiously enough, many of Manmohan's relatives, including distant cousins also changed their last names to Gandhi after the prime minister's initiative. Insiders claim there was a spin doctor influence from a leading political PR firm. Apparently, till a week ago, the prime minister's political office had been seriously considering for his upcoming campaign the following one-liner:

"Pu-ling ya Stri-ling? Manmohan Singh Manhohan Singh"

Now they have instead:

"Bharat Desh ki Nayi Aandhi, Manmohan Gandhi Manmohan Gandhi"




Janghia Prufrock