GENEVA: Following the dramatic speech of El Hadj Omar Bongo, the Gabonese escapee to the United Nations declaring the government of his son-in-law illegal and genocidal, there has been a plethora of international interest in this tiny nation of 1.4 million inhabitants. "My own dethroning after 40 years of benevolent rule is entirely unconstitutional, especially considering that the successor is my relative. Indirectly, to support his coup, and succession, would be akin to supporting nepotism."

The United States has offered a plan to temporarily eradicate the errant state of its genocidal population replace its brutal dictator with a governing council primarily based of expatriates. As a preliminary friendship gesture, the US has pledged 1 million mangoes to the desperate government-in-absentia, though issues regarding the insurance of the mango consignment have held up swift delivery.

But for once, the US is not the only applicant for the reconstruction process. North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has likewise offered to bring to an end the entire state of Gabon, and has taken a step further than his American counterpart by underlining his intentions by sending two hundred thousand tons of de-lousing powder to Bongo, to begin his campaign against his belligerent son-in-law.

In a shocking double entendre, the government of Afghanistan in absentia also offered to help Bongo's government in absentia. Al Qaeda supreme Osama bin Laden, said in a pirated video tape, "Brothers of Gabon, I offer you one thousand of my brave fighters in return for five hundred cases of toothpaste and ten virgin goats."

Bongo is said to be considering the three proposals, but has said that he will first wait out the annihilation of the oil-rich mini-state before he commits to which of the three allies he will choose for his reconstruction partner. Bongo has also kept himself open to a post-Nazi Germany style split state including several concurrent zones, and hopes that he will be able to bring together GW Bush, President Kim, and Grandvizier Osama to one table and negotiate "among friends."

Insiders say that should this plan eventuate in success, Bongo may edge out Ariel Sharon as frontrunner for the Nobel, following Sharon's crackdown on Israeli real estate shopaholics.




Janghia Prufrock