SOMEWHERE IN THE ARABIAN SEA: We would like to inform our loyal readers that our ace reporter Mr. Sunsilk Chacko has been relieved of his duties as of today. Mr. Chacko as you know was reporting daily from the Iraqi frontline. He was embedded with the U.S. 4th Infantry Division, which was one of the first Coalition Units to storm Baghdad. Apparently Mr. Chacko took his embedded job a bit too seriously and we had no other alternative than to terminate his employment.

Two days back the US Central Command Centre informed our office that they had asked Mr. Chacko to leave the unit as he was jeopardizing the units operations resulting in high military and civilian causalities!

On being questioned further, Mr. Collim Anything stated that Chacko was engaging in unwarranted intercourse with all the women servicemen of the unit. Apparently on the pretext of having found a scud missile he would lure lady privates into the quite alleyways of Baghdad, promptly remove his trousers and proudly display his inconsequential privates. If that didn't result in a desired response from his victim he would proceed to do something highly irresponsible with 'his' scud stating that he was was attempting to be a physical embodiment of what the US army metaphorically inflicted on the Iraqi countryside. But alas, since we are a politically correct and family oriented newspaper I'm constrained to describe his vile acts in detail.

We were further informed that even the men of the Unit weren't spared by Mr. Sunsilk, for, as the Units were rolling into Baghdad he managed to convince some very gay Iraqi men to moon at the passing US Convoy. Many of the hard up US soldiers were distracted by this and as a result were victims of friendly fire and Arab flatulence.

What instigated such a god and wild camel fearing man to go berserk, no one seems to know. But one of the theories doing the rounds is that he accidentally drank large quantities of mule urine mistaking it for Iraqi beer. Mr. Chacko obviously was unavailable for comment. So were the countless number of his victims who are either dead or wish they were.


Not Sunsilk Chacko